


You make my world whole again

by leoliz



Category: Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Parenting, Coping, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Kids are playing a thing here, Love, M/M, Mood Swings, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Smut, Step-parents, doing music, writing songs, written long ago
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:29:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23283280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoliz/pseuds/leoliz
Summary: The world is crashing down on Kellin and it seems like everything is lost. He doesn't know a thing anymore, he's about loosing his best friend, his wife and his daughter and gets the feeling he is alone in this world. No one can reach him, he's so off close, no one but this guy with the charming smile and the blue eyes.This story will contain smut and maybe some triggering chapters, so be warned - I'm not putting really much more warnings at the chapters. That's the reason the rating is mature, maybe I'm putting it up to explizit at some timeEnjoy :) :3
Relationships: Justin Hills/Kellin Quinn





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... I wrote this story about 5 years ago before my daughter was born and finished shortly after I've got the little one. I had posted this on Wattpad, but I have the feeling i just need to post it here too. So I'm doing this now, because I want to write again and maybe this is getting me back on track. So, please forgive me for all the misspellings and typos and grammar mistakes, because English isn't my mothertongue and I can't remember if all the chapters are proofread. So I'm sorry for that. I hope you can enjoy it anyway and will leave me some comments on your opinion. Thanks, love xx

My life couldn't be better in this moment while I walked out off of the bus and could see my whole family there. There was my daughter, my two stepsons and my wonderful and beautiful wife. I couldn't help but smile brightly and let my backpack fall to the ground as I held my arms open to catch my little one, Copeland who was running towards me. 

“DADDY!”, she was screaming over the whole parking lot and I had to laugh at her. It was awesome and I missed her so much. I held her really really close to me, hugged her tightly and peck her cheek over and over, while I was about to cry out of happiness. I love this little human being so much, she's one of the most beautiful little puppies on earth and I was happy to have her back. I will never let her go not again and especially not in the next months while I was at home, so I couldn't help but smile widely. 

“I've missed you so much little One.”, I snuggled against her neck and made her chuckle, before I was interrupted by my wife and the two boy's. Although I wanted to have more time with my little princess, I was also happy to see the other three again. I've missed them all so much and I was glad that I had my family back. Nothing against my band and all of my best friends, but... My family is my family. After all what I was going through I couldn't be happier about this little whole perfect world. 

“Dad, don't forget about us.”, Rowan was about to complain but had a smile plastered on his face before I opened my arms again, just to pull him to me and hugged him too.  
“I could never forget you and you and you.”, I grinned and the other two came closer. I kissed my wife on her lips before I messed up Liam's hair tangling it in the process. He complained, wanted to push me away and pouted but it just made me laugh. This is my family, this is my life. I'm Kellin Quinn, 28 years old and I couldn't be happier to have this beautiful family and be the frontman and singer of the band 'Sleeping with Sirens'. This is who I am and this is my life. 

It's the year 2014 and I am kinda a famous singer and songwriter. The band 'Sleeping with Sirens' has been touring the world for over 5 years now and we get more and more fans each and everyday.  
We love each and everyone of them and we wouldn't be anything without of them. And right now we just finished the second leg of our World Tour with Co-Headliner 'Pierce the Veil'. Over the years we became such good friends with this band, Vic Fuentes is one of my best friends in the world and because of all this we moved away from Oregon, found a new house in San Diego and now my whole band is here. We're all here – like a big happy family. But for now we're all back at home. We have to finish our next studio album and Pierce the Veil has to do the same, before we will start the last two legs of our World Tour in fall this year. It will last over 7 months at most and now we're coming back from the first 4 months of this tour. Nearly four months without my family, my little one. And you can believe it's so hard to let my little One grow up without being by her side the whole time. She is so big right now and while I watched around me, I could feel how happy I was. This was my life, the life I loved so much and I would never change everything in it, if I had to. 

_A few weeks later_

It was like every morning in my house. Everyone was up, tired and kind of in a bad mood because Copeland was waking all of us up around 6 in the morning. She was so happy, she squealed the whole morning and tried to make all the others in the house laugh but I guess I was the only one who enjoyed every minute with her, so I couldn't be mad at my little one, while her brothers weren't that happy to have breakfast at 6:30 in the morning on weekends. But this was the struggle with a little sister and I couldn't help but smile at their grumpy faces while I was making a few pancakes. The only thing I really can do in the kitchen if I don't want to set it on fire. 

“Why couldn't you let me sleep Kellin?”,Liam asked with a raised eyebrow. He hadn't called me Kellin for years now and it made me... skeptical but I didn't want to read more into it than there probably was.  
“Because it's weekend and we have breakfast together and nevertheless Copeland hadn't stopped trying to wake everyone up. Don't be mad at her.”, I answered him and furrowed my brows in confusion because his gaze was still on me and he was looking like he wanted to kill me. I guess... we have a teenager at home now. Liam was looking at the table, at his little sister who was mumbling something along with the radio and at his little brother, before Katelynne entered the room. 

“I guess we have a teenager at home now.”, I started the conversation and couldn't help but smile while Liam looked at me with a death glare. 

“Oh why?”, Katelynne asked a little bit confused and I just nodded at her and to our oldest son before I turned my back to them and took care of my delicious pancakes. 

“Why the fuck did I have to get up, Mom? It isn't even 7 in the morning.”, Liam complained once more and sounded so grumpy that I had to chuckle silently in my place. It was awesome. It was cute. And I remember that I was nearly the same as him at his age – but not for long. 

“Because we eat at least breakfast together. You're out the whole day, so don't complain and sit down. Dad is making pancakes and your siblings are waiting for you.”, Kate demanded and I knew there was nothing Liam could do. I am really really nice to all of the kids, I can't really say no to them while Katelynne is the opposite and is the mean one. But I understand why she's like this and I have to say that it's better this way.

“But Mom-” 

“No Liam, end of discussion. It's rare that we're all together and I don't want to hear anything more, now sit down.”, Kate interrupted Liam while she filled her cup with coffee and pecked me on the cheek.  
“Don't be so mean to him...”, I whispered in her ear and got a death glare in return. Okay, I should shut up for now, so I turned back to my pancakes and listened to the conversation at the table.  
Copeland interrupted the silence and I loved it to hear her chuckle, her voice and feel her craving after me. It was always the same when I came back from tour. At first she was happy to see me, she would cuddle with me for a full hour before she started acting weird, she wouldn't look at me and was kinda mad at me. But the next day she wouldn't let me go somewhere alone and this would happen for weeks. Katelynne was always jealous of me when this happened, but I couldn't do anything this was just the way Copeland was. 

“Daddy?” I was pulled out of my thoughts and blinked a few times before I realized that Copeland wanted something. I turned my body back to the table and closed the gap between her chair and myself, before I stroked her messy hair gently.

“Yeah?”, I asked her and put her first pancake on her plate so she was giggling and calling for the syrup. 

“Finally!” Obviously she had forget what she wanted to say and I had to laugh at how happy she was about her breakfast before I looked at Liam who was still pissed at the early time. I mean... I'm  
not an early bird too but for Copeland I can get over my grumpy mood in the morning and can ignore it. 

“After breakfast you all have something to do. I'm at my sisters and when I'm back home, it better be clean.”, Katelynne started to speak and everyone sighed loudly, so she was looking at me with a raised eyebrow, because I was about to complain too – just like always. It's not that I'm the laziest husband in the world but hey, which man does like doing housework? 

“No, no one complain. Liam and Rowan you have to clean up your rooms and Dad will control it, you have to empty the trash and someone should help Cope and there's no discussion for that, okay?”, Katelynne asked at the table and everyone couldn't do anything more than nod. Everyone except Copeland. She was giggling and eating her pancake, she had the syrup all over her face and was the cutest thing on earth. 

“Nevertheless you all -”, she was pointing at the two boys and I. “- have to clean up the kitchen and the living room – all of you.”, she edited her duties for us and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her bossy voice. Although I love my wife, really, I was still in love with her, sometimes it's just annoying how bossy she can be. But who want I kidding? I wasn't any better than Katelynne. But what has to done, has to be done, although we would complain the whole day about it. 

“When are you're heading back in to the studio?”, Katelynne asked after a while of silence and I shrugged my shoulders. Really, I can't wait to re-record our album again but I love my life at home. It's awesome to spend so much time with my kids and I love it more and more being at home the whole time I was here. I took seat next to her, so I could help Copeland with her pancake and thought about my answer. 

“Recording is starting in July, so... I guess we should do a few meetings and band practice before.”, I answered her and could feel that Copeland was pouting next to me. 

“You're going?”, she asked in her cute tone and I sighed. “No, I'll be home everyday for a little while longer, Strawberry. Don't worry.”, I tried to soothed her and she shrugged just before she went back to her ruined pancake and I couldn't help but smile by looking at her plate. It looked like a bomb had exploded and that was the daily struggle with a 2 year old daughter. 

If I could I would hold on to these moments forever but soon our breakfast was over and the mood was kind of tense between all of us. Liam didn't speak a word to his mother or to me or his brother and Rowan was his usually silent self and Katelynne and I just talked a few words. Sometimes our mornings are loud and full of chaos but today it was over after Copeland woke everyone up. 

“Bye baby, have fun at your sisters and tell her I said hi, okay?” I was standing at the door and kissed Katelynne one last time with Copeland on my hip who quickly hugged her mum goodbye, before we closed the door and had the house for ourselves. Okay, not at all but Katelynne was gone and it was nearly nine so we had have plenty of time to clean up the house.

“Kellin, I'm going to the park to meet up with some.”, Liam was about to cross the hallway and put on his shoes. 

“No young boy, you have heard your mum. Clean up your room, then I'll let you go.”, I answered sternly and furrowed my eyebrows. Usually he wasn't the type to test our patience but today it was new to me. Maybe I've missed this changing through the last weeks while I was on tour? 

“NO! I don't want to clean up and you're not my dad!”, he nearly screamed at me and made me stop in my movements. I couldn't help but let this comment get to me and raised an eyebrow.  
“No discussion Liam! Go upstairs and clean up your room and then we have to talk about cleaning up downstairs.” He looked at me like he was about to scream again and make a scene but he just turned around and ran upstairs, slammed his door making Copeland wince in the process. 

I didn't know what was up with Liam and I didn't know if I've had done something that he was mad at. His behavior was definitely not the usual one he was supposed to be. I shrugged and sighed before I let Copeland go and was about to do a little bit housework. I didn't want to make Katelynne mad at myself because the mood this morning wasn't the best, so I tried to give my best.  
But sooner or later I was stuck with Copeland in her room, playing with her after cleaning up the kitchen and the living room and shared a few of our duties to the boys. 

“Daddy, lunch?”, my daughter asked and I just nodded at her, before I let her play along and went to the kitchen, to make her something to eat. 

“Liam you should have to empty the trash an hour ago. Why isn't it empty now?” I furrowed the eyebrows again while I watched Liam who entered the kitchen without even looking at me. 

“Liam?!”, I asked again a little bit more sternly and tried not to fight with him. But then and again there will be always a fight between parents and kids, right? 

“You don't have to speak to me! You're not my dad and I don't want to do what you wanted me to do!”, Liam screamed at me and I was looking at him with wide eyes. What the fuck was going on with him?  
“Liam, I dare you!”, I tried another attempt but he wouldn't let me speak what I wanted to tell him. 

“Fuck you Kellin! YOU'RE NOT MY DAD AND YOU WILL NEVER BE! YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT BE AWAY THE WHOLE YEAR! WHY ARE YOU BACK NOW? WE DON'T WANT YOU TO BE HERE!”, he screamed through the whole house and before I could say anything anymore, he turned around and ran through the hallway, put his shoes on and left the house – not without slamming the door this time making me wince. 

I blinked a few times at his outburst and tried to ignore the pain which cursed through my veins. I was living with this little family for over 6 years now, I always tried to be a good parent but I couldn't deny that Liam was right. At least with something. I was away most of the year and how could I be a good father and husband if I wasn't at home most of the time. I was standing in the kitchen, didn't noticed anything anymore while I was lost in my thoughts until the second my daughter tapped on my thigh and pulled me out of my trance. 

“Hey Darlin'”, I whispered a little bit and carried her on my hips, hold her close to me while I went to making her something to eat. Rowan was out a few minutes ago and Katelynne wouldn't be here, so there's just Copeland who needed something to eat after Liams outburst. 

“Wuck u...”, she mumbled quietly which shocked me. 

“What did you say?”, I asked my little one and she just chuckled. This was the struggle. She was just two, she will snap out everything she likes and finds interesting and imitate everything. Ugh, great Liam. 

“This is something you don't have to say. It's nothing good, you know?”, I tried to explain but Copeland didn't listen to me, instead she repeated it again which made me even more madder at Liam. I can't believe he did this and now I had to deal with my daughter and make sure she doesn't say this at kindergarten on Monday. 

“I'm back, Honey.”, Katelynne shouted through the house and I sighed. I didn't have the time to sort out my thoughts and I didn't know what to tell her. I was mad at Liam and I was disappointed in him for being so rude to me. For a moment I had to think back to my own childhood and couldn't help but shake the bad feeling of. This was my past and I swore to myself many years ago that I wouldn't let it get me once again. 

“Kitchen!”, I shouted back and wanted to let Copeland go but she didn't want to take her hands off of me, so I had to carry her on my hips.  
“I'm not leaving you, Darlin'. I'm here for you, so you don't have to be afraid, okay?”, I told her quietly and cuddled up with her, while I tried not to cut myself as I heard the taps of Katelynne entering the kitchen. 

“We have to talk, Katelynne.” I wasn't the type to push things away and I wasn't the type to let something like this be unspoken. She pecked me on the cheek and did the same with Copeland before she went to the bin and stopped in her tracks. 

“What's- Why isn't the trash outside?”, Kate asked and I just shrugged. 

“Because your son was being bitchy and screaming at me like there's no tomorrow, Did something happen while I was away?”, I asked with concern and I turned back to her, putting Copeland on the ground although she was about to complain.“Go back in your room, I'll follow you in a few.” This wasn't something she had to listen to and I didn't like that she could hear some of this conversation. 

“No, nothing happened, why?” Katelynne was confused and I couldn't understand it. But nevertheless I got the feeling something was up but I couldn't get it. 

“I quote your son: Fuck you Kellin, you're not my dad and you'll never be. You can't do anything but be away the whole year. Why are you back now? We don't want you to be here!”, I sighed and ran one of my hands through my messy hair. Katelynne was looking at me with wide eyes before she sighed, furrowed her brows and came closer to me before she stopped like one or two meters away from me. 

“Kellin, he's a kid, almost 12 years old, don't be mad at him.” Katelynne tried her best to calm me down but I couldn't help but to look at her with a raised eyebrow. 

“I shouldn't be mad at him???”, I asked shocked at her sentence and couldn't believe that she didn't say something more on the matter. 

“He's a kid who was supposed to love me like a dad! He called me dad for over 6 years now! What the fuck happened? Did I do something? He wasn't even able to follow any of my demands!” 

“Maybe he's right and you can't do anything but be away the whole year!”, she said without thinking and looked at me with wide eyes. Something happened while I was away. I was sure that something was up and I didn't know what it could be. 

“Kellin... I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way...”, Katelynne started to apologize but I couldn't help but look at her with a shocked expression.

“Oh I'm sure you meant it that way! What the fuck happened these last months?”, I asked her but she just shook her head. 

“Nothing, I didn't mean it that way. But... try to understand Liam. He's in a difficult age and you're away like 8 or 9 months a year. It's difficult for him to get it and you're always away when there's something in school who he needs a father for.”, Katelynne explained and didn't make the situation better at all. 

“Now it's my fault? I'm there as often as I can be, Katelynne but I don't like being screamed at and told to go fuck myself by my son!” I couldn't help the outburst and now I was sure that we would fight in a few seconds. 

“BUT IT IS YOUR FAULT! YOU'RE ON TOUR THE WHOLE TIME, WHILE I HAVE TO CARRY THREE CHILDS BY MYSELF!”, Katelynne screamed at me and I was shocked once again. I blinked a few times because I didn't expect this. I always thought she would support me and my job, she knew what she was signing up for seven years ago.

“What?”, I asked in confusion before she took a step back. 

“You're always away, you're touring the whole world and there's no time for your family anymore! I have to carry a house by myself I have to carry two sons and a daughter and I haven't had any help from you! You should ask yourself why Liam is like this towards you!” Her breathing wasn't steady anymore and I could feel that my throat went dry and I could feel the words getting harder than they should be to speak. I was supposed to have a really good family, who support me in all the ways someone could ask for and never ever I did expect things like that, nor was Katelynne about to saying something like this. 

“What the fuck is going on Katelynne? What are you trying to help your son to be rude to me or what?” I was mad at her, I was mad at Liam and I couldn't believe she supported him in the way she did.  
“Kellin it's... I mean, you can't deny it isn't the truth...”, she tried in a calm voice, obviously to calm me down, but no it was to late, I guess. 

“Stop Kate. You knew exactly what you were signed up for and I never made a secret out of my dreams. Now I can live my dream you want to stay at home?”, I asked her and she furrowed her eyebrows once again. 

“You can't be mad at him, Kells. He's right, you're not his dad-” 

“STOP!” Now it was me who nearly screamed. “Maybe I am not his fucking Dad, but for over 7 years I bring him and Rowan up, I was always there for you and the kids, I helped you to get away from your ex-husband and now I am the bad one?! No, Katelynne. Just... No.”, I shook my head and passed her in the moment tears sprung into my eyes. I swallowed hard, got my keys and put on my shoes before I left the house. This was too much. The grumpy mood during breakfast, the words Liam said and now my own wife who tried to bring this on me. What the fuck was going on? What had happened to me? Could I just for once have a lovely and happy life?


	2. Chapter 2

I couldn't believe I fought with my wife about my job, about my other love in life. Over 7 years ago, she knew exactly for what she signed up and now I was walking through the streets on my way to see Vic. I couldn't stand to be at home anymore although I should want to be there. I mean, I'm a husband and father and my daughter needs me and I know that Katelynne has a struggle with her when I'm gone. But I couldn't stand her anymore and the things she has to say. I couldn't believe she was about to complain about my life as a musician. Why the fuck? What did I do during the last tour? 

I sighed the moment I turned up in front of Vic's apartment and pushed the bell. He didn't even know I was coming around but he was the only one who came to mind the moment I left my home without thinking. So he was looking at me in surprise – wide eyes, in sweatpants and a big hoodie although it was warm outside and with messy hair like always at home. He didn't even look good today. He was pale, so fucking pale and I would bet that he had lost weight. Did he have some problems, I didn't know about? I was so stuck at home these last weeks, I rarely replied to messages or calls, neither did I call or message someone. 

“Kellin?”, he was the first one who interrupted the silence and pulled me out of my thoughts. I tried a small smile but failed. I couldn't smile when I was about to cry and break down in front of him, but I tried my best to hold the tears back. 

“You're looking bad. What happened?”, I asked instead of saying hello before I slipped through the open door and made myself at home. I slipped out of my shoes and went straight ahead to the kitchen where I knew Vic would have some Corona. And I was right. In the fridge there were a few bottles of Corona and nothing more causing me to wonder why there wasn't that much to eat. 

“Nice to see you too, thanks for asking if I have time for you.” I hear the ironic voice of Vic and couldn't help but to smile. 

“I know you have time when you're dressed like this, so tell me what's up and why you're looking like you didn't sleep in days.”, I distracted myself from my problems, tried to concentrate on Vic and I couldn't keep my eyes off of him while I opened the Corona and took a sip, although it wasn't that late of day. But... I needed something to do and there would be nothing against one of those beers, I mean who wouldn't want to drink their problems away? Vic tried to look away but in the end his eyes fell on me every once and again while we were standing in his kitchen. 

“Vic?”, I asked again because he didn't seem to answer. I was worried now and I didn't know what to do. Usually Vic was the one who smiled the whole day and who helped all the others. It was rare that I'd see him like that. 

“Lets just head into the living room, hm?”, he asked, his voice was quiet and hoarse and I was sure it would crack any second. I just nodded and followed him through the hallway. The curtains were closed more or less, His guitar was leant against the couch and papers were sprawled everywhere. 

“Are you writing new songs?” My thoughts slipped through my mind but Vic just shook his head. Something was totally wrong and I didn't know what it was but I could feel something was up. I was worried now and my own problems were quickly forgotten. 

“Vic...-” 

“Kells...”, he interrupted me before I could say anything more and was sitting on the couch while I sat down next to him. He was always kind of my soulmate, my best friend although we hadn't   
known each other that long. We had been best friends for three or four years now and for the first two we were kind of inseperable. I mean we did nearly everything together, he was the first I told about my daughter being born and he was a witness on my wedding day. He was my bestfriend and he meant everything to me just like Katelynn did and seeing him hurt like this hurt me just as much   
“It's nothing.”, Vic finally answered my question and my jaw dropped.

“What? No you can't say it's nothing why you're like... I mean look at you, your hair is messy as fuck, you're pale like you're sick and I guess you're thinner than the day the bus dropped you off here.”, I shook my head and couldn't believe that Vic was about to... to just shut me out. We were always together and poured our heart out in the moment we saw the other. What the fuck happened? 

“BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, OKAY?!” I winced at the sudden outburst and looked up at him with wide eyes. Great just what I fucking need another person screaming at me today. What the fuck did I do that got every one so pissed off? 

"What...”, I started, but I couldn't say anything more, because Vic wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face in it. It all felt so sudden espcially after that outburst but it was nice to feel him close again, even though the way he shut me out hurt. 

No we're not together and never will be were just friends and have a really strong bromance, but I have to admit that I love to cuddle with him and that he's one of the best pillows in the world.   
After a second of hesitation, I wrapped my arms around his body and just held him close. Something was bothering him and I would die to know what. I couldn't see him like this and after the hard youth he was going through, I just wanted to help. 

“Hey Vic... Calm down, I'm here.” I tried to calm him down although he wasn't crying right now. But this was... I knew something bad was up although he didn't want me to know it. I would accept it more or less but this couldn't hold me back to hold him the whole fucking day and forgot about my fucking family problems. 

“Come sit down...” Another attempt to calm him down once more and I pushed him down on the couch, nearly dropping my Corona, but in the end I manged to put it on the table, before I cuddled up next to Vic, wrapping my arms around him again and pulled him closer to me. 

“It's just... Can we lay here for a while and just... cuddle?”, Vic asked me after a while of silence and I nodded naturally and laid down, so I made myself comfortable and stroke lightly above Vic's back. Silence. There was nothing more but our breathing and it was nevertheless awesome and absolutely wonderful. I love moments like these and this gives me the possibility to think over the last hours. I wonder what Katelynne would think right now and I knew that Copeland would cry all over again and that she would be mad at me when I'll be back home. But for now... I didn't want to go back that soon. Katelynne was... no. This wasn't the wife I married a year ago and this wasn't the stepson I knew. It was disturbing and kind of... unexpected especially when I thought everything would be fine over the months I'm home. But I guess, I was wrong. 

“Why are you here? you didn't even call or text” Vic pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked down at him just to be met by his warm brown eyes and a little smile on his face. I was about to say the same thing he said earlier but... on the other hand I didn't walk all the way down here just to say nothing at all. A deep sigh escaped my lips, before I slowly got up and slipped away from Vic, I walked over to the windown stopping in my tracks and looked outside, I didn't know what time it was but I guess it's almost 3 in the afternoon. Too early if you ask me. 

“I had a fight with Katelynne...”, I started without knowing what I should tell Vic in the end. I was so mad at Katelynne, that I formed my hand into a fist so my fingernails left half moon carved bruises in my palm. I didn't even know if it was the right way to be so mad at Katelynne but... Liam was so bitchy, he had screamed at me. He never screamed at me in all these years and he was swearing and... But in the end I got the feeling I was the one who made a fault, just because I was Kellin Quinn. 

“And?”, Vic interrupted me again and I turned myself, so my back was against the wall before glided to the ground and looked down at my lap. 

“How long have we been back home?”, I asked Vic but didn't expect an answer though. 

“26 Days...”, he surprised me with this answer and I shot him a questioning gaze but he just shook his head again. Wow, there was something really really bad up with him and I wished once more, I could help him. 

“You know, you can talk to me whenever you want to and you know you can tell me anything right?”, I asked him and he nodded, before he smiled. 

“Don't turn this on me Kellin. You were the one who came over without any specific reason, so tell me what happened with Katelynne?” Vic stood up before he took a seat next to me. I wasn't looking at him, i just stared down at my lap and took a deep breath. 

“Liam had an outburst, screamed at me like... I was not his father and shouldn't tell him what to do, I mean I would never replace his farther but he told me to fuck off and asked me why I was even coming back from tour" I spoke taking in a deep breath before I closed my eyes and tried to forget the picture Liam left in my head. It hurt it really did, I knew he was just a kid and maybe didn't know what he was saying, but I was the type to get hurt easily espically after everything I went through. 

Vic was still quiet and didn't said anything, so I knew he was waiting for me to go ahead. It was just one fight, just a little fight – I mean we didn't even scream at each other for that long, we didn't fight about it for hours but nevertheless it was hard to be told that I was a bad husband and kind of a bad farther.

“I told Katelynne what Liam had said and she was just like... I don't know kind of protective of him and... uhm...” I didn't know why it was so hard for me to tell this. It wasn't the fact she had quit things or so. 

“She was screaming at me that Liam was right and that I'm away the whole year, and I mean... can you believe this shit, Vic?”, I started and couldn't help butshake my head. “I mean, she knew exactly what she signed up for, didn't she?”, I asked him and looked at him to see the most emotionless face, before he got up and walked away.

“But I mean, you can't criticize her for that. She's kinda right, isn't she? You're away like 7-9 months a year and barely at home-” 

“What? Do you wanna say the same shit like them?!”, my voice started to get louder and I could feel my pulse speed up in my veins. What the fuck was wrong with them?! 

“No, no – not at all.”, Vic tried to calm me down, but I got up again, standing on my feet and was about to leave his apartment. This wasn't something I need right now. 

“KELLS WAIT!”, he pulled me back by my wrist but I struggled against him. 

“WHAT?”, I screamed back, my eyes watering and my throat was dry because I felt betrayed all over again. 

“I didn't mean it that way!”, Vic sounded desperate but I shot him a death glare. 

“Why you'd say it then?” Another one who I can add on my 'I'm mad at you'-list. Nice. My best friend. My buddy. Nothing better than that. Fuck you world. I ripped my wrist out of his grip and wanted to slip into my shoes, but he held me back once more. 

“JUST LISTEN TO ME, KELLS!”, he demanded and I stopped in my tracks to look at him. My eyes were pinned on his face which showed an expression of pain and apologies. 

“Just listen to me, okay?”, Vic asked and I barely nodded. 

“I mean, they're right in some ways. You are gone for most of the year and are never really at home, but nevertheless your one of the best people i've ever gotten to know in life. You care about them i see that you call home every day when were away, they didn't have any right to say this to you and Liam.. Im mean he's just a kid, isin't he?" Vic asked and I relaxed a little bit, before I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. Sometimes I wasn't the 28 year old man who I was supposed to be. I was just... a boy who wanted a whole and intact family, nothing more nothing less. 

“But he's almost 12 Vic... I mean... what happened during the last tour that he's now this... kind of way. I didn't do anything to him, did I?”, I asked and now I was the one who sound desperate. I just wanted to find some answer, just wanted to understand him and Kate, but I didn't get it. The more I thought about it, the less it made sense and I got the feeling that something was wrong. Really really wrong. 

“He's now a teenager, I guess...”, Vic tried to find an answer and I sighed before I closed the gap between the both of us and cuddled up against him. i needed some kind of confort and Vic was the only over person here, i needed to make my world a little bit better for now. Vic tensed up but i just shrugged it off due to the suddeness of my movements. It was silent for a while but that was until his stomach interrupted us and I couldn't help but laugh at this noise. I took a step back and looked at him with a playful smile. 

“I guess you should eat something. Come, I wanna cook us something...”, I pushed him in the direction of the kitchen and ignored his complaining about the fact he wasn't hungry at all. I mean, I heard his stomach grumble, so I doubt he wasn't hungry. Although I wanted to take care of him and make him something to eat, because he was so so thin and needed something between the tooth. 

“I don't have anything here...”, Vic tried to find another excuse, but I will not let him win this game. He has to eat something. 

“I'm sure you have everything I need for pancakes. I can;t really cook anything else, thats if you want a kitchen left”, I grinned at him and couldn't help but shake my head. A few moments ago I was about to lose my self-control and break down in front of him and now I was about to cook something in Vic's kitchen. It was so typical that I just tried to push the thoughts away which bothered me, so I didn't have to think about it. It was easier that way and I didn't want to deal with it anymore right now. That was even the reason why I was came around to Vic's, because he had always this effect on me. 

“Oh dare you, Quinn. You really wanna cook pancakes now? We could order some pizza?”, he assumed and I smiled brighter at him. 

“And watch a few episodes Supernatural! Oh fuck Vic, I missed you so much! I don't even know where I stopped to watch...”, I grinned at him before I wrapped one arm around his shoulders. For a moment I thought he tensed up again but I guess I was just a little sensitive now. 

“Does Katelynne know where you are?”, he asked while we were going back in the living room. I let Vic go to the TV and put on a DVD while I was falling onto the couch and snuggled against the pillows behind me. 

“No... I don't have my phone here and I don't know. Maybe she isn't interested.” 

"OH KELLS, STOP WITH THIS!”, Vic screamed out all of a sudden so I had to look at him with wide eyes. 

“Take my phone, call her or text her but don't ever say she isn't interested okay?” 

“Yes, Daddy...”, I was joking and longed after his phone, just to write a short message to my wife. 

“Do you mind if i stay the night? I mean... I don't want to go back so soon, I just need the... uhm time, although it wasn't that bad but...”, I didn't know what to say anymore but I could feel my cheeks going red because I knew I was acting childish and that nothing would be fine if I ran away. 

“So, just us two then, Supernatural, Pizza and a sleepover?”, Vic was asking and grinning at me before he let himself fall next to me and I didn't wait for the moment the TV was on, before I attacked him starting a tickle fight. 

I laughed for the first time today but couldn't get against him. Although he was a little bit thinner now, he was much stronger than me and tickled me to the ground. I laughed hard, tried to get him off of me but he won this game. I was out of breath when we stopped after a few minutes and my head was lying on his lap, so I could watch him. 

“Do you really not want to talk about what bothered you?”, I tried another attempt, but he was just shaking his head. 

“I'm fine. Just a little bit of stress, nothing more. Don't worry. You should be more worried about the fact that you stopped watching Supernatural on season 6!”, he complained making me laugh hard before I looked over to the TV and tried to get what was going. 

But I guess it was a little bit too long ago, I watched it the last time, so I have to make it up at some point. But nevertheless this was something I really needed right now. Just my best friend and me, tickling, laughing and being ourselves on his couch, without my family, without my daughter and all the responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I love my family more than anything, but relate to the fact I became a father at just 21 years old because Katelynne already had two children, I enjoy those evenings even more than another young men. In the end I fell asleep on Vic's lap while he was stroking my hair, i felt calm in this moment, my eyes were closing by themselves and my head was quiet for a while.


	3. Chapter 3

The night at Vic's was something I had really needed. It was so good just to hang out with him, fall asleep on his lap and wake up in the middle of the night, just to watch another episode we've missed before, before we finally headed to bed. I never minded sleeping in the same bed as Vic and cuddle with him, it was just who we were. Kind of cuddle monsters, best friends though. I love him, really and I loved spending time with him but right now I was on my way home. My heart was beginning to beat a little bit too fast because I knew Katelynne would be mad at me. 

It wasn't long ago I escaped home but in the moments we fought all I could do was run . It was too much and maybe I was kinda too sensitive. But I couldn't think straight and now I had to stand my ground. I sighed as I walked up our driveway, I stopped looking up at the house in front of me. 

It wasn't that big. Three stories, although the last one under the roof was just our bedroom . The second floor was full of rooms for the kids, each one for every one and two bathrooms while we have another spare-room with a little bathroom there. And then there's the first floor. Another bath, living room, kitchen and our backyard with the swing. I loved my years here. 

It wasn't long ago that I ran away from my problems but I was for sure Katelynne would remember and she would be mad at me for that. She was always this way and I got why but this time... No she hadn't any right to be mad at me. I should be the one and I was still mad at the things she said. Was I really that bad? Didn't I care enough for my family? I couldn't help but think back to Vic's words. He was right. I guess so. I tried to come home during tour or studio times as often as I can and I didn't know what Katelynne wanted. Should I quit my career and stay home all the time? I shook my head before I opened the door and was greeted by the surprised voice of my daughter. 

“Daddy!”, she shouted through the hallway, although she pouted, she was running towards me and I was glad to see her. I was for sure, Copeland wouldn't normally speak a single word to me, she would usually be mad for a few hours just because I was gone, but she wasn't and I sighed in relief. It was one of the best feelings ever. My heart skipped a beat and melted in my chest while I was holding her tightly.

“Kellin.”, Kate's cold voice interrupted Copeland and I and I could feel how much my daughter tensed her little body up just at the voice of my wife. 

“Go to into the living room, I'll be in there in a little while but first I have to discuss something with Mommy.” My voice wasn't much more than a whisper before I let her go into the living room and slipped out of my shoes. I could feel Katelynne's gaze on me, she was death glaring, I knew it but I wouldn't dare to look at her. I was mad at her and actually I didn't want to talk to her and it seemed like god was on my side At least I thought he was but i should have known better.

“What is he doing here?”, Liam shoot me a glare, his eyes full of hate and I was startled by his look. Katelynne gasped and I could feel she wasn't expecting it but nevertheless she stayed put, didn't say a word to her son. 

“Oh great, now you can't fight for me anymore, Kate?”, I spat and regretted the decision to come back at home. I should have stayed at Vic's, then wouldn't have to go through all this shit.   
“She doesn't have to fight for you! Because you're not worth it and we don't want you here anymore!”, Liam was shouting at me and about to running towards me, before Katelynne stopped him. I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms in front my chest while I was waiting for Katelynne to react. 

“Liam that's enough. Go outside or your room or... something.”, she said and I dropped my mouth. What was happening here right now? Shouldn't he be punished for something like that? I blinked a   
few times and tried to hide my surprise but it was really difficult. This wasn't the family I was supposed to know. Not at all and... I couldn't get what was happening in front of me. 

“But it's the truth mum! He has to go, he isn't desired here anymore!”, Liam complained and I couldn't breath anymore. 

“LIAM STOP!”, Katelynne screamed and turned around before she left me alone with her oldest son. Great! Really Great. 

“Fuck you, Kellin! You make her unhappy and you stress the whole family! Don't you get it you're a fucking prick and should go because no one wants you here anymore!”, Liam shouted at me more or less but I tried to stand his words. 

“Don't you dare talk to me like that! Nevertheless I'm your father if you want to believe that or not!” He was my son in the end although he wasn't biologically mine. But even so I was there for him, I watched him grow up and I didn't know why he was talking to me like that.

“NO YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER AND DON'T BELIEVE YOU COULD EVER BE OR EVER WERE!!! I HATE YOU BOSTWICK AND I HATE THAT I HAVE YOUR NAME AND THAT MUM IS MARRIED TO YOU!”, Liam was screaming and I winced at his outburst. 

“LIAM QUINN BOSTWICK-” 

“DON'T SAY THAT NAME EVER AGAIN!” Before I could say anything more, Katelynne was in the hallway again and seemed to calm both of us down. 

“STOP THIS! LIAM UP IN YOUR ROOM!” This wasn't the usual in the Quinn-house. We barely screamed at each other, most of our fights were quiet, we usually just ignored each other until the problem went away or until someone gave in. This was how we all were supposed and used to be but it seemed like something changed. 

“You can't let him just go without a punishment for that, Katelynne!”, I snapped at Katelynne and earned a death glare. 

“No I don't have to, Kellin! He's right, you're not his father and you can't scream at him like this!” Wow. That... hurt. Much. 

“What are you talking about Kate?” I looked up at her and couldn't believe what she was saying right now. She was kidding, wasn't she? 

“You heard it right, Kellin. You're not his father, so he's right and don't you ever scream at one of my kids ever again!”, she snapped and I swallowed hard because I didn't quite get it. 

“What's going on Katelynne? A week ago we were supposed to be a fucking happy family and now everything is a fucking nightmare! What the hell happened that something like this was the consequence?" I didn't get it, nevertheless how much I tried. 

“Nothing Kellin! You're just not the ma-”, but Katelynne interrupted herself and looked at me kinda in shock. I couldn't believe all of this shit! 

“What, I'm not what? The man you fell in love with? Don't dare you, Kate! You knew what you signed up for and I can't believe were discussing this right now! You knew I would be away a lot on   
tour or in the studio so don’t you dare say I'm not at home for no reason because you have to see that I try my best to be here as much as possible" the outburst came out of nowhere and I could feel Katelynne realized she did something wrong, but I wasn't waiting for her to speak anymore, before I pushed passed her and was going to Copeland in the living room. 

“Would you like to go out and go to the park, princess?”, I asked my daughter, getting her attention and a bright smile. 

“DADDY!”, she squealed and I couldn't help but smile even though I was close to tears. But I tried my best in front of her, before I picked her up and went again in the hallway where Katelynne was still standing. 

“Where are you going?”, she asked a little bit coldly and I had to say, I was about not answering her. I put Copelands shoes one and ignored my wife as best as I could. 

“Kellin, answer me!”, she scoffed and I just shot her a death glare. 

“Get your things in order and talk to your son! I'm going with Coco to the park and I guess we will be back for her bedtime”I snapped at her before leaving the house with Cope holding my right hand and her backpack with a bottle and a few other things in the left hand. 

There wasn't much that changed the days after this fight with Katelynne and Liam. Liam wasn't sorry for his words and he tried to show me this in every situation he could. If he wasn't still a kid, I would call him an absolute asshole. Katelynne didn't do anything to make things better so that obviously meant she thought Liam was right. 

Sure, she was sorry for our fight but nevertheless she was distant and cold towards me and I did the same over the days. My head was so loud for a long time again and I could feel that this whole situation made me weak. I couldn't sleep straight anymore and I dozed off while I should be pay attention to something or somewhat. This wasn't the life I wished for and I wonder more and more what happened while I was on tour that the situation was so... difficult. 

I tried a lot to talk to Liam or to Katelynne but every time I did so, I felt like the one who made one fault after another. But this wasn't my fault, wasn't it? The first fight was now a little bit over a week ago and nothing changed, instead I got the feeling that it was much more worse now. Rowan was the only one who was still talking to me and I could tell that he tried to avoid his brothers presence and took it upon himself to come into the spare room where I was sleeping in it at night. 

Why? Because Katelynne kicked me out of our bedroom. She told me that I had to understand her son, that I had to understand that this would be just a phase and that he tried to find his basics and that he didn't understand why I am together with Kate and not his real father. But this wasn't just a phase. This was so much more and it made me sad and mad at the same time that Katelynne didn't want to see it. 

Everyone could tell that I was starting to criticize myself too much and that I fell back into old behaviors. Everyone if someone would know. But no one knew about the stress at home, neither Vic or anyone from my band. I was ignoring my phone most of the time and tried to deal with the shit, especially with the thing that Liam was about to influence Copeland with in a bad way. 

Sometimes she was looking at me like I was a complete stranger to her, other times she was cuddling with me until the moment she would see Liam. There was something up, I knew that Liam   
did something, but neither Katelynne nor himself would say anything and it depressed me every time more and more. 

I sighed, before I looked up from my notebook and to the Little River in front of me. Music was blasting through my earphones while I fled from home again to the most beautiful place on earth. Since I lived in San Diego, Vic showed me this place, a Little River right under a bridge where no one would come around. There were just a few people who know about this, which were just Vic, Justin, Kate and myself. It was kind of peaceful here and it gave me the chance to tune out for a little bit, to order all the voices in my head and shut them up. 

But it wasn't that easy this time. Every time I closed my eyes I could see the face of my wife, how she was looking at me and could hear her words. 'You're never at home. The boys need a father who is more at home right now because it's a difficult age. I can't do this anymore...' I can't believe that our relationship is so complicated right now. It was so hard for me after all with everything that happened with my parents. It didn't help that my father was hitting me for over four years either. I thought I had found a woman who would love me until death and that all the kids would do the same, but obviously I was wrong. 

I looked down at the song which I had written the last half an hour before I could feel a hand on my shoulder which scared me to death. I jumped from my place, looked around with wide eyes while my heart was running away. 

“JUSTIN YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”, I screamedstill in shock. He just smiled mischievously before shooting me a look of apology. The shock was still deep inside me and I couldn't believe that one of my best friends would scare me like that. Justin looked at me skeptically before shrugging before I pulled the headphones out of my ears.

“Sorry, I didn't know how to make myself obvious without scaring you.”, he chuckled but I couldn't help but be a little bit mad of him. 

“You're an absolutely asshole. Go away.”, I scoffed at him and tried to calm my breathing down. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that there was someone behind me. At this place I was always alone when I wanted to be alone and now this. 

“Well that hurts.”, he answered and did a pout but I couldn't bring myself to a smile. I wanted to be alone and he was interrupting me by his presence. Nevertheless why he was here? I looked at him a little bit, before I sat down again, turning down my I-Pod. 

“Why are you here?”, I asked in a quiet voice and tried to find a possibility to get rid of Justin for now. I didn't want to be with someone else, I was here to be alone although I knew deep down that this wasn't helpful at all. 

“Dude, We had a date, don't you remember? We wanted to go in the movies tonight and before play a little basketball?”, he answered my question and made me look at him in disbelief. What the fuck was up with me? I knew that we were meeting in a few days, but I forgot about everything during the last 2 days. 

“I had called you a few times, but you weren't picking up all I got was your mailbox and when I tried to get you at home, Katelynne just told me you were out.”, Justin told me further and I furrowed my eyebrows a little bit before I looked down at the river. No words left my lips but I sighed before I closed my eyes. Great. I ditched my best friend, I was a horrible husband and father. Could I be anything right just for once? 

“What's up, Kells? You're sitting here, ignoring your phone for days – I wrote you a few messages by the way – and you don't talk to me but you can scream...” Justin was careful, he was protectable although he was one year younger than me. But I guess this was the special thing in our friendship. 

Earlier we used to have a thing for each other. Nothing... intense or something like a real relationship. But through the years of our friendship he was the only one who found a bruise on my ribs and who knew what was happening at home. I didn't trust anyone right back there, but since Justin knew I fled every time to his home, just to hide myself under the covers. He was always there for me and he knew me well – maybe better than everyone else – that I wasn't the strong man everyone believed I was. I was weak most of the time, I was easy to triggering and I fell easy into old behaviors. Sitting under the bridge, ignoring my phone and not talking to anyone were just one of them. 

“Kells...” 

“No, not Kells! I'm 28 years old and my life is a fucking hell!”, I shouted at him in the moment there were tears springing into my eyes which only made it difficult to breath. I couldn't stand his view, so my eyes stared straight into the water. Justin tried to calm me down, wanted to hug me but I flinched away, standing up in the end before I take a deep breath. 

“Do you know that my oldest son is screaming at me? That he's hating me since I'm back from tour?”, I started and I could feel that this was something I couldn't stop anytime soon. Although I didn't want to tell him about it, it just slipped my mind and I was looking expectantly for his reaction. But he was just looking confused, sending me a questioning look, but didn't say anything. 

“And do you know what? My wife isn't standing behind me. No, she's encouraging her kid, he didn't get any punishment, she is just sitting here and letting everything happen!” My breath wasn't steady anymore and nothing could help to calm myself down at the moment. 

“Kellin, calm down...”, Justin tried and stood up, just to take a step towards me. But I couldn't stand this, his touches, his careful way, that he was still the same beautiful human being like 10 years ago. He was still worried about me although I was old enough to take care of myself, wasn't I? 

“No, you don't get it!” I shook my head before I looked at him, pain crossed my face. 

“My daughter didn't want to see me yesterday and when she was going to bed she didn't want me in her room, I couldn't say a simple Good Night to her!”, I said with a broken voice and had to swallow hard to hold back the tears. Oh no Kellin, how dare you start crying in front of Justin, you swore you wouldn't cry ever again, so keep your promises.

“Kellin, let's talk about this...”, Justin tried again and took another step towards me. 

“No Justin! There's nothing to talk about! My fucking family hates me and I'm the worst father and husband on earth! Why are they doing it? Because I couldn't be that good for them!” The outburst wasn't all of a sudden but I wasn't used to it anymore, I thought I was over those attacks where I couldn't find anything good in the world and where Justin needed days to make the world okay for me once more. For now my world was destroyed, the family I would die for hated me and I wasn't more than a waste of time. 

“Kellin...”, Justin sighed and in the moment he wanted to wrap his arms around my shoulders, I just shook my head and took another step back before I fell. I screamed out, tried to hold myself back   
grabbing at Justin but everything happened too fast. Pain crossed my mind, it hurt like hell, my legs were on fire and I felt dizzy really dizzy, my head had collided with one of the stones and before I knew it all I could see was black.


	4. Chapter 4

_Justin's P.O.V._

My heart stopped at the moment I saw Kellin falling. I didn't mean it this way, I didn't mean to scare him at all and it broke my heart in the moment I saw the pain all over his face, especially in his eyes. Over years they were just so bright, he was happy all over and now everything had to repeat? No! I don't want this and I wish that Kellin could be live without so much trouble in his life.

But for now I didn't spend more seconds by thinking before I headed down to Kellin, careful tho that I didn't fall too, but fast enough to get to him soon. Fuck, he was bleeding on his temple a little and his eyes were closed. Was he still at his consciousness and had just his eyes closed or was he pass out?

“Kellin, fuck!” My heart was racing now in my chest before I fell on my knees and turn his head careful to me. He wasn't reacting at first but in the next second his eyes flutter a little bit and he moaned in pain. I sighed deep and closed my own eyes, just to feel how the relief cursed through my body.

“You scared the shit out of me. You can't do something like that you little clumsy asshole.”, I muttered before I helped him a bit to sit. My eyes were scanning his body, I could see that his jeans was ripped on his knees and over his shins but other than that and the little thing on his temple there was nothing more I could see.

“Ow...”, Kellin murmured in the moment he wanted to stroke through his hair and touched the injury at his head. I couldn't help but had to chuckle a little bit at his cuteness right now. Although I didn't want to see him like this, the mess he was, it was cute all over how he was sitting there, trying to find a reason for everything, ripped clothes and dirt everywhere I could see it.

“Did you push me?”, he asked and I raised an eyebrow, couldn't believe he really asked that.

“Yes Kells, I pushed my little bear up to the ground that he got injured. You're a dumbass. Come on, I'll take you ho-”

“No! I don't wanna go home now.”, he interrupted me in the second I was about to end my sentence. I furrowed my eyebrows a little bit but did nothing more than sigh for a moment.

“Then we'll go at my place. I wanna look at your temple and your legs. Looks like shit and there is dirt all over. So come up.” My voice didn't let any space for discussion and Kellin didn't try it. I helped him up, wrapped my arm around his shoulders because he had a little struggle to walk over the rocky underground and to climb up the few meters back to the place under the bridge and in the end to my car.

“Why you're here Justin... I mean... still here...”, Kellin asked with a quiet voice and I could feel that he felt bad for screaming at me before. I wasn't mad at all, I wasn't even upset, I was just worried in the end and I was hoping that everything will finally be good. Kellin didn't deserve all of that, not after everything he was going through. Katelynne should appreciate him because he was the best boyfriend, best husband and father in the world and I will have a word with little Mrs. Quinn, that was for sure.

“Did you forget that I'm always the one who was always there and will always?”, I answered him truthfully and couldn't help but had to stop in my tracks. Ever since I met Kellin so many years ago, some things will never change although I thought he was long over his insecurities that someone would help him.

“No... It's just... I wasn't the best friend these last couple of weeks, was I?”, he asked and I shook my head. It's not so unusual that we didn't talk to each other over a few days or maybe a week or two. I wasn't that bad worried at all although I found it weird and unusual, but in the end I didn't think that he wouldn't like me anymore.

“You have problems, I guess it should explain why you didn't text or called... So I don't mind it. Don't worry 'bout this, Kells. I'm here, so come on, get your ass up in my care so I can drive you at my place.”, I smiled lightly at him, earned a little smile back before he hopped around the car before he seat down on the passenger seat. It was my turn to look at him for a last time before I drove out of the parking lot back at my home.

“What did we want to watch in the movies?”, Kellin asked randomly and I shrugged with my shoulders.

“You know, we never talk before we're going, so I don't know?” Kellin was weird. He seemed so off, so stucked in his own world that he forgot about the things which were so normal, so usual for us. I looked back at him, examined his face and couldn't help but sighed. He looked kinda bad. Kellin was pale, dark circles were placed under his eyes and I would say that he had lost weight.

“Oh...” This was everything Kellin said for a while. I left him in his own world, looked then and again over at him, before I pulled in my driveway and finally turned the car off.

“Com'on Kellybear. I'll look up your injuries you clumsy thing.”, I tried to make him smile but failed totally. It seemed like he wasn't listen to me and I couldn't help but sighed before I opened the passenger door and finally the door to my home. Kellin was just walking behind me wherever I would go and after a few meters in my hallway, I was turning around, grabbing his shoulders and stopping him.

“Kellin!” His beautiful big blue-green eyes met mine and I wish I could take the pain away immediately. But there was nothing really I could to, so I sighed helplessly.

“Go in the bathroom, I'll comin' around and bring you sweatpants and a new shirt.”, I demanded and Kellin nodded although I didn't believe he really understood what I was saying. He sighed a moment later, looked around – I guess to realize where he was – before he turned to the right and opened the bathroom door. I really didn't know what to do, it was kind of too much for me because I always was the type just to make fun, to laugh and play pranks. I wasn't the type to be worried or anything, I just wanted to live every second of my life in the best way I could do. A sigh escaped my lips again before I was heading in my bedroom and grabbing some sweatpants and a white v-neck shirt, before I grabbed a towel out of the drawer and tangling my hand through my hair. This was not what I expected when I found Kellin on our more or less secret place.

“Why did you know where I was? I didn't tell someone...”, Kellin asked right in the moment I entered the bathroom and had to smile.

“Because Katelynne was saying you were out of the house without saying something and I was everywhere where I thought you could be and in the end there was just your writing place.”, I shrugged and smiled a little bit. Although we were not that long in San Diego, Vic and Jaime also Mike and Tony showed us a few quiet and calm places and this thing under the bridge was a place just Vic, Kellin and myself know. 

“It wasn't that difficult to put the pieces together...”, I explained further when I saw his confused face.

“You should be at my place for like 3 hours and after an hour, I was wondering because you've never come this late. I was trying to call you but there was just your mailbox and after another half an hour I drove, just to find Katelynne with Copeland and Rowan – but no Kellin...”, I was keep going and he was still looking at me in confusion.

“She told me you were gone for hours but didn't say anything and I could feel something was up and I was in the park, on the beach and in the end I figured out that you could be under the bridge, and here we are.”, I ended and he nodded lightly. I looked at him and it was kind of naturally to place a kiss on his forehead. Maybe it was an old habit but if we were younger I was used to doing this that much and it was kind of a comparable situation – Kellin hurt, Kellin totally confused and off. My eyes stared at him for a moment before I took a step back and examined his injuries. His face was dirty all over and the blood was beginning to dry on his cheek and temple. I sighed before I looked down at his legs and raised an eyebrow.

“What are you waiting for? Pants down, your legs are bloody and dirty all over.”, I grinned cheekily and made him smile for the first time.

“If you wanted to see me naked, you just have to ask for...”, Kellin chuckled lightly and I couldn't help but had to laugh. This is what I wanted to see. Kellin kind of happy. The pain in his eyes weren't gone but it was a start to distract him from his problems for a while now.

_Kellins P.O.V._

I pulled my jeans down not without whimpering about the pain the material cursed on my injuries. The whole bottom leg was scratched all over, there was a lot dry and not dried blood and the jeans made me flinch in the moment I pulled them down. Fuck I didn't realized I was that hurt but actually I really was and it was again Justin who cared for my problems. I remembered earlier years when there was always Justin for me and now it's the same way. I shook my head for once but stopped right now in the moment the pain cursed through my body and made me whimper like a little girl.

“Com'on Kells, you're looking like you will cry every moment.”, Justin teased me and I showed him just my middlefinger, before I sat down on the closed toilet and let him make. My eyes lingered on his fingers and hands and watched carefully how he was cleaning my legs with a warm washcloth, trying not to cause more pain. But I couldn't help and every time he touched a big scratch or something, I flinched a little bit and whimpered out in pain.

“You could be a little bit more careful tho...”, I complained and earned a laugh of Justin.

“Gosh, Kells, don't be the little princess huh. I guess, you're a man, so don't complain just when I'm making this clean.”, Justin answered and I rolled my eyes at him. He could be so annoying sometimes but I would dare to hate this side of him. He was too sweet and always too kind for me and even he could be bossy and so nervwrecking, a fucking living energy ball, I would ever love him.

“Yeah yeah... I want to see you, with all scratched up legs when I'm sliding over the injury with the wash cloth...”, I had to hold back a chuckle but failed totally. So at least the mood wasn't that bad anymore, my heart was less hurting although I could still feel it. But Justin was always making me smile, he was able to hold me, just being next to me and I would feel better immediately. 

“Come here, I want to look at your temple.”, Justin demanded and I looked up, turned my head a little bit, before I closed the eyes, just to concentrate on him. I couldn't help, but smell his good aftershave and had to remember some of our earlier days where we were supposed to be something like a couple. What the fuck Kellin? Why you're remembering things like this? I couldn't explain but I didn't have any time as a sharp pain went through my body and made me flinch away from Justin.

“Fuck Jus, take your fucking hands off of me.”, I swore at him and shoot him a death glare. He was just raising an eyebrow but didn't want to give me the wash cloth.

“Kellin, what the fuck, are you a fucking girl?”, he teased me and I shoot him another death glare.

“I want to see YOU when I push against a fucking cut in your face.” I couldn't help but was mad at him. Nevertheless I turned my head around another time and let him go ahead with whatever he wanted to do. I flinched a few times when the wash cloth was exactly over the cut – for sure to clean it – and the pain went again through my whole body and make me bit the inside of my cheek. I didn't realize the cut would hurt that bad but it was hurting like a fucking bitch.

“Do you have a headache or so?”, Justin was asking and I shook my head, couldn't answer properly but concentrate to think the pain away.

“Com'on Kellin, let yourself grow a few eggs in your pants instead of crying like a baby.”, Justin tugged me against my shoulder and in that moment I wanted to punch him. I stood up but stopped in my tracks immediately in the moment I was dizzy for a second.

“You're an asshole, Jus.”, I was complaining but got nothing more than a laugh of him. Really, he could be a fucking asshole, but he was my best friend, my asshole though.

“Here new pants and shirt for you. Change and then we could watch some movies or so.”, Justin grinned at me and I couldn't help but had to smile back at him. It was like I didn't need to say something. He was just here, here for me. He knew exactly when I wanted to talk about something or when I just needed a distraction. I really didn't know how I deserve something like this, but I couldn't be happier that I have this fucking human people in my life. Another minute went by and I wasn't even change yet before I pulled back out of my thoughts, sighed and shook my head lightly, but stopped immediately the pain went back. Fucking cut. Hopefully this isn't something for a doctor. But Justin wasn't saying anything, so I guess everything was alright – at least as long as it could be alright then. I put the sweatpants on and was actually a little surprised that it was kind of too big for me, but shook it off before I changed my shirt and put both of the dirty clothes in the thing for Justins dirty clothes. I didn't mind to left it here and I was for sure that Justin didn't mind to wash it with his other things. In the moment I left the bathroom, I nearly ran into Justin and had to scream in the moment I startled. Justin instead laughed his ass off and I couldn't help but punched him lightly against his chest.

“You fucking asshole, you startled me, I got nearly a heart attack.”, I shouted out but it didn't help. He was laughing, more and more and I pushed him over and over against his chest through his whole apartment. I didn't exactly why or how but somehow we both landed on the couch, me flinching in the moment my head – or more the cute – hit the soft pillows and Justin still laughing at me.

“You know you're too sweet when you're all girly?”, he teased me and I was about to punch him softly against his shoulder but he was to fast to hold my wrist back. He grinned at me and furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?”, I asked him and he shook his head.

“You're bleeding again. Wait a second, gonna go to get you a plaster for your temple.” Justin was so concerned that my heart melted at his words before I wanted to touch my temple.

“Stop it. Not touching okay?” His voice was totally serious for once and I dropped my hand, just looked at him. To be honest, I wasn't used to this side of Justin. I mean, sure he was always concerned about me, he always cared and he was serious about this in every second of our friendship or relationship. But I could count it on one hand how often I saw him like this – concern in his eyes, no smile on his face, just the worries written all over his face. It wasn't that often that I could see this in earlier years. Justin was always the one who could hide his emotions good and I didn't really know what to say now but I felt so good in his home, to be close to him. I felt that there was actually really someone who cared for me as much as I was doing for him. It let my heart felt less pain, it was making my head a little bit clear – it distracted me.

“Come here, Kells.”, Justin pulled me back out of my thoughts and I looked up at him just to see him patting in his lap – motioning me to lay down. Maybe it wasn't that bad to lay down, got a little bit rest though. I was tired all over and I feel so secure right now. I knew I could fall asleep in Justins arms within a few minutes, but I didn't want to.

“Is it that bad?”, I asked as I turned my head back from him, so he could put the plaster on my temple. I was a hopeless case today. My legs were scratched all over, some scratches on my arms and a fucking cut on my temple which was bleeding again and again. 

“I guess it will heal by its own. Just try to hold you a little bit back.”, he grinned lightly at me in the moment he finished his work and I turned my head back to look at him. His eyes were locked with mine and for a moment my breathing stopped, just not to destroy this moment. Everything was calm, everything was fine and I feel like my 17 year old, totally save in Justin arms, nothing mattered anymore. I didn't know why, but I wrapped my arms around Justin, before I pulled him closer to me, closed my eyes and kissed him. It was so familiar, so naturally to me, it came just over me before I could do anything against this and in the moment all the butterflies in my stomach woke up, I didn't want to do anything against it. For a second I could feel that Justin tensed up but in the next second, he kissed me back and we were stuck at this for the next, I didn't really know how long, before we pulled apart. My cheeks were flushed red, totally hot, my eyes were glistening and I could still feel his lips on mine while he was looking down at me with a shocked expression, just like he wanted to run away.


	5. Chapter 5

_Kellins P.O.V._

I didn't know what was happening right now but before I could say anything I pulled away out of Justin's lap and looked down at my thighs, bit the inside of my cheek and was asking myself what was just wrong with me. Justin was looking at me with horror in his eyes and I knew that this was so wrong to do. I shouldn't have to but it was like we were back - 10 years ago where everything was allowed and possible and where both of us were taken or embarrassed by kissing the other.

“I... I...”, I couldn't find any words and stood up, just to go. I should go now. Justin was obviously pissed although I didn't spend another second looking at him. I saw his expression right in the moment we loosened up the kiss and it was enough for me to know that it was too much. I sighed lightly and carefully ran a hand through my hair before I took a few steps out of his living room, not looking back. My heart beat too fast in my chest, it nearly hurt me but I tried to hold back the tears and the sobs which were coming up my throat. Fuck, I messed it totally up with Justin although he was the only one who knew everything about me and knew how to calm me down when no one else could.

“Kells, where the hell are you going?”, Justin's voice startled me and my heart jump out of my chest. He grabbed after my wrist and turned me around, just to grin lightly and made me raise an eyebrow.

“You don't have a car here and I thought you didn't want to go home?”, he was asking and made me more confused than I already was. I kissed him, I kissed Justin, although I am married and he was looking at me like he wanted to throw up and run away. Better than the other way around though.

“I thought... I mean, I guess... you looked like horror...”, I stuttered a little bit, before I looked down at our feet and have to smile a little bit. Justin was wearing pink socks with a few unicorns on them. I looked up and raised an eyebrow before I burst out in laughter.

“Pink socks with unicorns, really?”, I dropped the topic but I guessed Justin wouldn't mind either way. He chuckles and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, warmed my heart once again before he pushed me back in the living room, made our way back onto the couch.

“I couldn't find another pair this morning, but I like unicorns... I guess I shouldn't remember that you had pajamas back in our teen years with a unicorn on your shirt, huh?”, Justin teased me and I pushed him away, assuming being mad at him while I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

“You're an asshole, ya know? That was a present from your mum, I couldn't really be mad, could I? Nevertheless it was cute. Your socks seem more like they would belong to your sister.”, I poked out my tongue at him, before he pulled me closer to himself and messed up my hair a little bit, carefully though to my injury there.

“Shut up and think about a movie we could watch.” It was so... It was like it always was. Justin was grinning at me, forgetting about the kiss although I would like to do it again. But I couldn't and I knew this. I mean, I am married, what the fuck was going on in my head to kiss my best friend? Just because we were supposed to be kind of a couple many years ago, I don't have the right to kiss him and cheat on my wife. I sighed a little bit and looked surprised to Justin in the moment he kissed my cheek and stood up just to go over to the shelf with all the DVDs on there. I touched my cheek a little off guard and looked at him, didn't want to miss a single movement he made. What the fuck Kellin? He is just Justin, nothing new for you, you should be more worried about Katelynne and think of her instead of Justin. Another quiet sigh left my mouth and I dropped my hand, laying back and made myself at home on his couch.

“I don't know... Maybe we could watch one of the old things... I don't know, Avatar or something?”, I asked and Justin laughed before he shook his head.

“Kellin, Avatar isn't that old. Maybe we could watch Pulp Fiction?”, he grinned at me and I couldn't help but laugh a little bit too. Sometimes I was so out of time, I forgot about all the years and didn't remember when something was released. My bad though. I nodded at him and waited before he came back and pulled me in his arms, totally naturally. I didn't watch the TV, I just laid here, listening to Justin's heart beat and couldn't take the smile away. For once in like weeks or maybe 2 months now, I felt okay, I felt really good, secure, loved, just everything. Justins hand trailed down my spine, making me shiver, but I wouldn't complain at this moment. Justin knew what calmed me down and I didn't have to ask him for being here for me. He just picked me up and wouldn't let me go before I was ready. Halfway through the film, my eyes were still closed and I could feel how I was drifting away in long needed sleep.

With a heavy heartbeat and hitched breathing I woke up, jump out of my place and nearly fall off the couch before I realized my surroundings and try to calm down. I was alone, the TV was playing in the background but all in all it was dark. The nightmare was still present and I closed my eyes for a second before I opened them immediately to the pictures which returned in the moment I closed them. It was just a dream, just a dream – not real, not real now.

“Hey, you're awa- What happened?”, Justin came back in the living room and looked down at me with concern, before he sat next to me again. He didn't have to do anything, before I rolled myself into a ball next to his side so I could feel that he was close to me.

“What if, if Katelynne doesn't love me anymore?”, I asked and could feel that Justin furrowed his eyebrows at my question. I knew that he wasn't the type for serious shit but he was the only one I told about all this and he had to help me though. Nevertheless I didn't want to look up, I was afraid to find the realization on his face that everything will be over in a few weeks or months.

“I really don't know, Kells... This could be just a bad time, hard weeks, maybe you should talk to her...”, he assumed and I nodded lightly before I tried to catch my still unsteady breath. I was so weak over the last days, so many things triggered me and I knew why I didn't get much sleep. Every time I would, nightmares would be my new best friends during night. Not just the ones about the present time, my dad would be there too and this was something I didn't want to see anymore.

“Com' on, I'll take you home, it's nearly midnight and I'm sure, Kate is sick worried.”, he tried it, he tried his best but I couldn't do anything but reacted grumpy at his words.

“I doubt it. She's probably glad, I'm away.”, I answered a little bit sassy and earned a a lightly slap at my shoulder.

“Don't be sassy and don't take yourself in self pity. Come, get your ass up, Sleepy head.”, Justin ignored my rolling eyes and the annoyed noises I was making, when he dragged me to get up but didn't let me go by myself. His hand were locked with mine and I was too tired and too confused, too busy with my nightmare and my thoughts to question this. I was quiet the whole time while we got dressed, Justin leant me a jacket and slipped in his shoes not to look up at me then and again, probably to find signs of something, I didn't really know.

“What was your dream about?”, he asked in a quiet voice in the moment he started the car and drove out of his driveway. I stayed put for another few minutes, just looking out of the window to watch the lamps go by before I sighed.

“She just left me, just took Copeland away forever and...”, I couldn't speak more when I didn't want to sob like a little girl in front of Justin. “He came back.”, was all I could say and a moment later the car stopped, before Justin touched my chin and turned my head around so he could lock his eyes with mine. It got really hard to hold back the tears, but just his small touch was all I needed right now. He stroked my cheek carefully and I could feel how my heartbeat slowed down a bit.

“He can't come back never okay? And even if he did – you are so much more stronger today. Do you hear me Kells? I would never let it happen that he touches you once again.”, Justin smiled and convinced me to believe him. Did he know how much he means to me? I nodded lightly and Justin let go off of me, so he could drive along the road, dropping me at home. We stayed quiet, no one said a word, even when I got out of the car. I was about to go back, just to escape this living hell at home but I went straight to the front door, looking to the windows where the lights were still on and sighed. Katelynne was awake and I could imagine what this would mean.

“Kells?” Justin pulled me out of my thoughts, so I turned around and looked at him. He leaned a little bit out of the window of his car and smiled his sweet, beautiful and carefree smile.

“Talk with her, everything will be alright again. Catch you later Kellybear.”, he said before he finally drove away, leaving me standing here alone in front of my house which didn't feel anymore like my house. I sighed once again, before I pulled out my key and opened the front door, tried to stay silent enough to not wake up the kids but Katelynne made it difficult in the moment she stood right in front of me.

“Where the hell were you?”, she nearly yelled at me and I couldn't help but raised an eyebrow.

“Could you just for once stay calm? It's midnight, the kids are asleep, so I don't want to wake them up by fighting with you about nothing.”, I cut her off and slipped out of my shoes, immediately pissed at her way to say hello to me. Why she couldn't take care of the kids upstairs? Why she was mad at me, the fuck? She hadn't even a real reason. I didn't do anything wrong, did I? Slowly and on silent feet I made my way to the kitchen but was held back at Kate's grip around my wrist.

“I was sick worried! You didn't even call home, you didn't do nothing, just disappeared all of a sudden!”, Katelynne shouted at me and I rolled my eyes.

“Oh now you are worried huh? I needed the time! I needed time for myself, to understand what's happening here, to deal with the shit what you and Liam are doing, to deal with a wife who doesn't try to understand my side of the story!”, I shouted back to her and bit my bottom lip to hold myself back. I sighed, took a deep breath to calm down but didn't look away from Katelynne.

“I-”,

“No, don't. The last time I heard that you love me was over phone when I wasn't even hear, okay? I doubt you still love me, I doubt everything what was between us were true and I needed time. Don't tell me you tried to understand me, you didn't.”, I interrupted Katelynne, made her more mad than she already was.

“Kellin, I swear-”

“What? What are you going to say? That I'm an asshole? That I am just away from home? That I can't take care of these – my – kids? No, this isn't true and you know that! You know that this isn't true and that all of them couldn't ask for more. You didn't even say sorry for the shit you did. So just don't let us fight in the middle of the night. We can talk tomorrow but for now I go to say good night to my daughter and go to bed, I'm tired.” I didn't wait for an answer before I left the kitchen with a water bottle and was going upstairs to have at least a few minutes with my princess before I would try to sleep although I was totally sure that I couldn't.

The next day I tried to talk to Katelynne but she was ignoring me. She even didn't say a good morning, no goodbye when she left me with Copeland alone in the house, nothing. I didn't try it anymore, I didn't think about anything more right now just because my head was full of this.

Although the day at Justin's was good, it felt good for me, it was like it never happened. The kiss was stuck in my head, I wish him back once and again but I didn't say a single word about this. Neither I talked to Justin after this more than a few simple messages where he was asking if everything would be okay. It was just like the day with my fall on the river didn't happen. Katelynne wasn't even asking if I was okay. Nice from your own wife, huh? I was so sick of all this but something let me hold on that it would get better. But... My hopes betrayed me over and over again.

“Liam I told you for three days to do your project for school and to clean up your room.”, I demanded for the hundredth time in the last few days but got nothing just a annoyed voice and a turned back. I sat Copeland on the ground, so she could go by herself while I was going towards Liam.

“I'm not the one for jokes. Clean up your fucking mess and do this project otherwise you will fail and I won't allow you football practice anymore for the next few weeks.”, I blackmailed him like every father would do but he didn't react with the fact that he would miss out instead he stood up and slapped me right across my face. Or tried to. I reacted in a second, grabbed his wrist and looked down at him, at my son, my stepson, I couldn't hide the anger and the surprise in my expression.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!”, I screamed and I mean, I really screamed. He shivered for once but in the next second he pulled away from me, pushed me against the chest and wanted me to get out of his room, but I was much stronger than him.

“You can't say anything, you can fuck yourself Quinn!”, he shouted, anger flashed over his face and was stuck in his eyes.

“Language, Liam! You were about to slap me!”, I argued back not that loud like before but still full of anger against this. He was fucking 12 years old!

“You're not my father, get out of my room, go! Just go, no one wants you here anymore, you're just unnecessary as fuck, no one needs you!” Liam pushed me against my chest and made me take a few steps back but not leaving his room.

“LIAM QUINN BOSTWICK! I DARE YOU TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS OR TO SLAP-”

“KELLIN!”, I was interrupted by Katelynne who looked at me with much more anger in her eyes than I was used to see there.

“How Dare you scream at my son!”, she shouted and made me gasp.

“HE NEARLY SLAPPED ME KATELYNNE!” And this was the second she slapped me on my cheek. I looked at her in horror, everything went red. She fucking knew what I had gone through. She fucking knew that my father abused me and slapped me that much, I couldn't count how much after the first days he started with that. It was silent, so silent you could hear a needle fall on the  
ground, before I came back to myself.

“I HAVE ENOUGH OF THIS! TOTALLY ENOUGH!”, I screamed, ignored her face which was begging for forgiveness and I couldn't hear the screaming of my daughter right now.

“You know what? I'm going! This was too much Katelynne, this was way too much. I can't believe that you did this-”

“I didn't let it happen, and that you're lying about Liam!”, she interrupted me furiously and I could feel she was about to cry, but I didn't give a single fuck to that.

“I WASN'T LYING THE FUCK! JUST SEE THE TRUTH!”

“THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU LIED!”

“What the fuck, Katelynne? I don't have a reason to lie to you! I can't believe that it has to be this way!” My voice betrayed me in being hard and mad at her. It broke, the tears came up but I swallowed them down. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction to see this.

“This was way too much Katelynne. You can't just slap me and try to take this all on me. Just see the truth and this isn't the truth. I'm so done!”

“Fine, then go, fucking go, like always! Run away, go to Vic or whoever wants you anymore, asshole.” Her words hurt, fucking hurt. I couldn't believe that this was the woman I was used to love for years, I believed I could share the rest of my life with. She was so... so... I couldn't find a word before I turned around and headed down the stairs, before I grabbed my key and phone and stormed out of the door to ramble to Justin.


	6. Chapter 6

_Justin P:O.V._

I could hear the screams but barely understand what Katelynne and Kellin was fighting over in the moment I got out of my car. I was worried and I couldn't help but had to check up on Kellin. Although the kiss messed up my feelings and confuses me totally, he was still my best friend who barely answered at all of my messages and who never picked up the phone when I called. I was thinking that he was just busy with his family life, didn't over think the whole situation while I developed a problem myself with was stuck in my head. I tried to find a reason for the kiss, but every thought in my head wasn't one I could understand. At first I was here to check up on Kellin and to talk about the kiss, make this chaos in my head fade away but now I wasn't so sure, if I should be here.

In the moment I was taking a few steps back, just to get back to my car, Kellin came out of the door, ramble into me and made us almost fall on the hard ground. I struggled a little bit, but in the end I could hold the two of us, so no one could get injured. I looked at my best friend, could see the dark circles under the eyes, the tears in there and... a red hand on his cheek.

“Did she-”

“No, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk anything right now, just let us go.”, Kellin demanded, his voice was dead, no emotion there before he gone to the passenger seat, didn't wait for me to follow. I furrowed my eyebrows, looked back at the house, before I got in my car too and pulled out of the driveway, back on the street.

“Kells-”

“No Justin, just shut up! Just let us drive millions of Miles away from here.” I told what I was said and didn't say a single word while I drove back to my home. Then and again I looked at Kellin, saw the tears on his cheeks but no sound came from him. He cried silently and I couldn't help but just wanted to hold him right now. What was happened back there that he was this way? Kellin was strong, so strong, he didn't even cried when he came to me all over with bruises and a broken rib. Even in moments like this he didn't cried in this way. But nevertheless I tried to concentrate on driving. No words were said between the both of us, until I stopped the car right in front my home and got out, Kellin following me.

“Can you believe she slapped me right in the face? She slapped me and can you even believe that Liam was about to do this too?!”, Kellin blurred out, anger crossed his face before he went up and down in my living room like a tiger in his cage.

“Kellin, calm down...”

“I don't want to fucking calm down, Hills! SHE FUCKING SLAPPED ME!”, he screamed at me and for a second I was too surprised to do anything, before I reacted and hold him by his wrists, so he was forced to stay put.

“Hey, if you want to, you can slap me, let your anger out at me, just...”

“JUSTIN WHAT THE FUCK? I DON'T, I COULD NEVER SLAP YOU, ASSHOLE!” Kellin tried to push me away, get rid of my grip and I let him, stumble a few steps away. I closed my eyes for a second, before I grabbed after a pillow of my couch and hold it right in front of him.

“Then just punch the pillow...”, I tried to make my mistake up to him, but he shook his head that much his hair flew all around and squeezed his eyes shut.

“You asshole! I couldn't ever punch you...”, he shouted desperately again and I sighed, totally helpless in this moment.

“But you wouldn't punch me. You would punch the pillow.”

“It's the same! You're not my punchingball!”

“But this is what best friends are for!”, I shouted back at him and he looked up at me and shook his head again. The tears made his cheeks flashed red, his eyes were deep red, a total contrast to his dark circles. He was looking bad all in all and I can barely remember a moment when I saw him this way.

“I don't want to hurt you and get on your nerves...”, he sighed, sobbed for once and I let the pillow fall on the ground, so I could wrap my arms around Kellin. My heart broke in thousand of pieces in the moment, he sobbed against my chest and I tried to understand what happened in his life to help him. He pushed himself against mine, wrapped his arms around my back and I couldn't help but had to smile a little bit. We knew each other for over 15 years meanwhile and I couldn't remember a time without him since that. But moments like this, when he was totally weak and emotional were nevertheless rare in all the times and I was always helpless and useless because I couldn't deal with all this shit.

“Kellin... everything will be okay... again, I promise you.”, I whispered and kissed his head lightly but got nothing more but that he shook his head.

“No, nothing. He was saying that I don't deserve a life in happiness and joy and he was right. He was fucking right, Jus...”, Kellin sobbed more and I could feel that he got breathing problems, so I pulled away and cupped his face in my hands, wiped his tears away with my thumbs and looked at him.

“Don't say something. He was a liar, he is a liar and I promise you that everything will be okay, again. Don't give up, you got through so much more...”, I trailed off and could feel that he tried to nod but another sob escaped his quivering lips. My thumbs stroke over his cheeks, wiped the tears away again, while I shook my head at his thought. I could see them through his blue-green eyes.

“Don't Kellybear... Don't think this way...”, I tried another attempt to take his thoughts away but I was sure I failed. It was hard to convince Kells from another opinion when it was stuck in his head but he smiled a little bit.

“Why the fuck did I get the name Kellybear?”, he asked me and it was so randomly I couldn't hold back my chuckle before I shrugged with the shoulders. I hadn't an answer for this, it was just the way it was, someday someone started with that and it was stuck in my head since that.

“I really don't know Kellybear...”, I chuckled and made him smile a little bit more, before he looked back at me. The tears were still shimmering in his eyes and I wiped them away in the moment, they fall on his cheeks. I really didn't know what happened next or why it happened but I couldn't resist when Kellin crashed his lips desperately against mine.

It was just a second which made me tense up before I kissed him back. Not softly, not lightly, not sweet. The kiss was intense, hot, desperate, actually in every way too much for the both of us. But I wouldn't complain, my brain was off for this moment, I didn't think twice about it when I kissed him more intense, stroke with my tongue about his soft and wet lips to ask for entrance. He didn't resist for a second and I could feel the all so familiar feeling built up in my stomach, made the butterflies fly and my hands a little bit shaky, so I grabbed his head more, one hand now in his neck and the other still on his sore cheek. 

The tears were gone, instead I could tell Kells forgot about everything what was happened in his life right now. Without thinking or a flint of hesitation he pushed me backwards until I felt the couch in my knees, fell down on it with Kellin on top, barely missing a second to kiss the other one. When we finally loosened the kiss, our lips were swollen and red and I could see the excitement in his eyes while we both tried to catch our breath before we kissed once more. 

My hand trailed down over his spine, made him shiver all over and quietly moan against my lips. Holy fucking shit, this was such a turn on although we shouldn't do this. But no one of this things crossed my mind in the moment my hand slipped under his shirt, stroke over his hipbone and made him moan once again – louder against my lips and grounding against my hips that I couldn't hold back a moan myself. This was too much and to be honest too good to be true. The last time I did things with Kellin this way were about 8 years ago and in general I wasn't that much bed active in the last half a year. 

“Kellin...”, I groaned in the moment his hand grabbed my hair hardly, desperately, so he could deepen the kiss once more, left me breathless beneath him. His tight pressed against my quivering dick and in an amount of second I flipped us around, straddled Kellin with my hands and grounded myself against his, made him moan louder before I crashed my lips back down on his sweet one's. I misses this, being that close to someone, feeling the butterflies in the stomach, the excitement running through my body, everything so sensitive for every touch of the other one. It was too long ago with someone and way more long ago with Kellin but nevertheless it was familiar, it felt so good, it felt like it happened yesterday the last time and I have to admit that I liked it. 

“We should go in my bedroom where all the stuff... ya know...”, I trailed of before I kissed his neck, bite lightly in the sweet skin, carefully though that there will not left a hickey. Although I was all into this, I knew exactly that this was wrong, that this was all over wrong and for a moment, I hesitated, thought about the possibility to stop this – at least until the moment Kellin slipped his hands into my pants, touched the edge of my dick and made me bite my lips hard enough that it was a wonder if they didn't drain blood. 

“Fuck, Kells...”, I groaned and looked down at him, saw his cheeky grin and the glistening in his eyes, before I leaned forward and kissed him again, soft, intense but nevertheless eager.

“Let's go into the bedroom.”, I demanded but he whined and shook his head, grabbed my dick and tried to hold me in place.

“I don't want to go anywhere, just... here...”, he answered, his eyes full of lust and excitement and even if I would appreciate it to do it right now, I knew it was totally dumb and we would regret the decision. Kellin was with a woman for more years then I ever was with someone and I really doubted that they were doing something like what I was about to do to him, so he couldn't stand it and couldn't take another step for the next day. 

“That much I like the idea to rip you the clothes off right now, I guess, we need stuff...” My voice was hoarse and clouded with lust I bit one last time in Kellin's bottom lip, made him moan in the moment our hips met.

“This isn't fair...”, he complained but I didn't wait any longer before I got up and let him decide what he wanted to do – he could follow me or complain about the circumstances that he had to got up and move a few meters. I reached rarely the bedroom when I felt his hands trailed around my body, turning me around and in the next second his lips were on mine again while his hands slipped under my shirt, made me moan in the kiss. We fell both on the bed, but I didn't let him top once again so I straddled him into the sheets, hold his hands above his head, looking down on him with a devilish grin on my face.

“So you decided to come and not to complain anymore?”, I asked and he nodded, licked his lips seductively and I had to admit that it was one of the hottest views someone could be given in life. I grinned wide but didn't do anything for a moment, just looked at Kellin beneath me. His cheeks were red, from crying and from too much kissing too less breath, his lips were swollen and deep red and his eyes were so clear, no more tears anymore. He was just fucking hot and I couldn't hold myself back anymore. 

I kissed him, hot, intense, desperate, without hesitation or anything else. It was just Kellin and me, no Katelynne, no problems – like it always was when it came to this conclusion. My hands trailed down his body, under his shirt and both of us were a mess of moans every time our hips grounded against each other. At first our shirts were landing on the ground before I pulled down Kellins pants and his boxers, let him exposed, squirming beneath me while I hold the lube and a condom out of my drawer.

“Don't tease me much longer...”, he begged, his voice nothing more than a moan anymore and I couldn't help but chuckled a little bit. 

“Eager, are we?”, I whispered with a raspy voice in his ear, kiss the sweet spot there and made him shiver all over. I didn't waste anymore time while I kissed my way down and spread his legs apart so I could find my place between them. My jeans grounded against his dick, made him aching his back before he squeezed his eyes shot and tried to find the so much needed friction between my pants and his dick, but I pulled apart, earned a swear of him and the first scratches on my back for teasing him. Gosh I loved this. Hard, rough sex without feelings, without thinking – just doing.

“Jus...”, Kellin begged again and my grin went wider for a second before I placed a few kisses on his chest and ribs, trailed my way down his body, but didn't touch his member. I knew I was a fucking tease and I could feel he was trying to make me touch him, but every time he tried something, I just pushed his hands away.

“Have I tied you up?”, I growled at him and I could see that he didn't know if he should shook or nod his head. But in the end Kellin grabbed the ceiling of my bed that hard that his knuckles were white, but I couldn't be more careless right now, in the moment I opened the lube and soaked two of my fingers with it.

“You're a fucking tease, hurry up asshole...”, Kellin begged once more and I bit the inside of his tight, before I entered him at first with one finger. I didn't waste a second more before I licked about his full length and pushed my finger deeper in him. I swear, he was fucking thigh and I could guess that this would be sex like I never had in the last years, fuck. Kellin moaned, pushed himself deeper on my finger and I couldn't help but had to smile in the moment I sucked his dick a bit just to made him feel totally comfortable and relax when I let slip a second finger into him.

“Fuck, Jus... I swear to God... Don't stop.”, he groaned, begged for more with every word he said and with every move he made. My own dick longed after attention, after thrusting deep into him and I couldn't wait any longer to prepare him, although I should too.

“Jus please... fuck me... you fucking tease...”, he pleaded, complained in the moment I thrust my fingers again deep into him and hit his sweet spot what made him scream for the first time and made me weak to hear that. Fuck, just the look of him was hot enough that I could come in my pants right now and I couldn't hold myself back anymore. In a few seconds I lost my pants, grounded myself against Kellin, our members met in the moment I pulled him in a deep and last kiss before I opened the condom and sat back. My eyes were locked with Kellins for a moment, tried to search after a point of regret but there was nothing but adoration, excitement and lust in his eyes. I bit my bottom lip before I pulled down the fucking condom, my fingers shivered and my dick quivered to the sudden touch but not long enough before I took Kells legs, positioned myself on his entrance and asked silent after permission. He was fucking eager, pushed himself against my dick and made it way much easier to slip into him although I could see that it was hurting for him.

But I couldn't hold on any longer, the feeling was overwhelming when I entered him and pushed myself deeper by the second. I moaned, flung my head back and close the eyes while I pushed myself into him to the full length. For a moment I let him adjust, kissed him but he didn't want to wait anymore, ached his back and tried to ground the friction he needed so badly.

“Fuck, Jus, don't be a baby and fuck me right now...”, he groaned and I didn't let me said this twice, so I pulled out the full length and thrust deep into him again. Loud moans filled the room together with the permanent noises our thighs slapping against each other and the swearing in the moment I hit Kellins sweet spot. He squirmed, grabbed the sheets and screamed, turned me just more on and made my thrusts harder. I changed the angle again, pushed deeper and faster into him, pace up my thrusts.

“Kells, I swear to God...ugh...”, I moaned when I could feel the all so familiar feeling deep in my stomach wandering over my spine and made me thrust harder into him. 

“Fuck...” Another loud moan escaped my mouth when I speed up my pace once again and made Kellin squirmed around me.

“Fucking touch me...”, he demanded in his raspy and desperate voice and I couldn't resist him, let my wrist move along my thrusts around his dick, felt the pre cum and his deep screams after more. Holy fucking shit, this was too much for me, how he ached his back, how he longed after more, his begging, his gaze, the sweat on his forehead, the hair who clenched on his skin, the few soft lovemarks I did.

“Are you close, Kells...?”, I asked with the last I got bring up, before I kissed him hard, took his scream into the kiss as a yes before I let go my own orgasm, thrust a last time deep into him and the moment he came brought me over the edge too, before we both collapsed on the bed, out of breath and flying on cloud nine.


End file.
